We live in a world in which almost every public image, and every interaction carries an element of sexual desire. Yet, it is nearly impossible for us to talk openly and honestly about sex. Talk Dirty to Me is an essay written by Sallie Tisdale (1992), which illustrates a women’s taste for pornography. Tisdale observes that when it comes to porn, even the most strong, powerful, and self-assured women have harboured fantasies and have grown more guilty for having them. Interweaving her own personal feelings of contradictory thoughts, experiences of non violent porn, and revelations that not all porn is for men, she presents a captivating portrait of sex and sexuality in America while encouraging us to explore and create our own intimate attitudes.
While creating her own intimate attitudes, Tisdale explains that at times she finds it harder to talk about pornography than her own sexual experiences. She may feel disgust or excitement, along with confusion while watching pornography. Tisdale argues that what she likes about pornography is as much a part of her sexuality as what she does, however it is deeply psychological. The Subconscious is where her pure imagination comes from. As a younger woman, Tisdale struggled with ignorance towards sex and felt shameful as a result. She was ashamed of what she desired and things that she said no one spoke about. Nevertheless she discovered that pornography was a way for her to propel toward the overt. She didn’t need information about sex, but wanted information and reassurance of bounds that were within normal. The implications of an overt consciousness by means of porn assisted Tisdale to expose her true sexual self while feeling comfortable.
Although porn can help a person expose their true selves as it does for Tisdale, there are boundaries. Tisdale argues that without consent the motions of sex become violent. Consent is what defines sex for her. To Tisdale, pornography is sex, however she acknowledges that there are feminists who believe that violence is the endpoint of all pornography. Tisdale mentions that feminists against pornography hold that our entire culture is pornographic, and in this pornographic society everything is frowned upon. As a result, feminists against pornography have actually made women into objects. This branch of feminism tries to tell us that watching porn is undesired by society. Tisdale however, describes that pornography tells her that none of her thoughts are bad and that anything goes. The implication of this attitude allows her to have peace with herself while being open about her sexual desires.
Sometimes it is hard to have peace with one’s self while being open about sexual desires in the world of pornography. For example a woman’s presence in an adult video store may be startling or genuinely unwelcome by men who are present. Tisdale provides evidence that society believes that men are the “standard-bearer” for what is obscene and forbidden. The act of viewing becomes a male act which subordinates the person viewed. Tisdale argues that although society has created this mindset, porn is for both men and women. Tisdale is glad that women are involved in the production of porn. She is happy that the boundaries in which women create can be expanded. She believes that there are no limits to what women can imagine or enjoy.
As Tisdale suggests, there are no limits to what women can imagine or enjoy, nor are there limits when talking openly and honestly about sex. Tisdale has demonstrated this through her essay Talk Dirty to Me. She encourages women to explore and create our own intimate attitudes while not getting hung up on our contradictory thoughts on sexuality, believing feminists views that all porn is violent or deeming porn as a pleasure for men only. With porn, just as Tisdale did, we can expose our true sexual selves.
